I have always been one that has a hard time turning people down. Especially when it comes to people I know and love. I want to help them with whatever it is they need help with. It also goes along with my personality, because I'm a "fixer".
Recently, I have had to give up something that I have done for a long time. I LOVED doing it, but I needed to step back just a little, and that couldn't be accomplished so I had to give it up completely. I have agonized over this, because I truly loved it. I also love those that are involved in it. However, all good things must come to an end, and this was the end.
Since having to give this up, my depression has lessened. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but the depression has continued to be at a more manageable level. I cannot tell you how shocked I was. How could an activity/ engagement/ responsibility that I truly loved cause my depression to deepen? Wouldn't it actually make it better, not worse?
What I now realize is that the activity itself wasn't the problem. The problem was that I was over extending myself. And by over extending myself I was causing more stress in other areas of my life, completely unconsciously.
My goal now is to be extremely careful in what responsibilities and activities I take on. My knee jerk reaction in the past was always, "sure, no problem, I can handle it." And I really believed I could. I mean I lived a very high energy, go-go-go life for a very long time. My life now is comparatively calm (although I have 2 short people that demand much time and energy ;), so I never thought adding a few extra things here and there would be a problem.
God is teaching me that I need to prioritize. I need to be extremely careful in what things I chose to participate in, so that I do not cause myself to be stretched too thin, and cause my family to suffer. It's an interesting lesson for sure. One that is requiring much introspection and contemplation.
Have a great day!
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