Broken

I know I have written about my depression and anxiety issues before.  I am not seeking attention of any kind, but this blog is essentially about my life and all the weirdness that comes with it.  Well, depression is part of my life.  I'll understand if you don't want to read about it, but sometimes it helps me to write it out.  If you wanna skip this and come back another day that's totally cool.

Saturday I had a really hard day and spent the majority of the day in bed.  I thought maybe I'd be ok on Sunday, at least I hoped I would be.  I was ok at first.  We went into church and sat through the sermon and half way through I started streaming tears.  The pastor had told a sad story, it made me think of a loved one that is now in Heaven.  So I sat there in service balling like a baby.  

I managed to pull myself together enough that we were able to go to Sunday school.  After Sunday school I told the Hubs I really needed to go home.  We were supposed to go to my Parent's house to celebrate their anniversary.  I just couldn't go.  

I was so upset with myself the whole way home.  I know I'm broken.  I feel like Humpty Dumpty.  No amount of attempts to fix me will ever put me together again like I should be.  Oh trust me, the meds help.  I would be 1,000 times worse without my meds.  And I thank the Lord for them constantly.  However, I know that this isn't normal and I wish so much that I could be normal.

I often tell the Hubs that I'm sorry that I'm broken.  He always replies, "it's not something you can control.  I understand." (He is such a wonderful man.  I dare you to find a man 1/2 as wonderful.)  
I am on the verge of rambling.  So I think I'm going to stop here.  

Have a great day!
Ms. T  




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